The Roller Coaster of Dating

In one short week I went from being content with being single, to finding the woman of my dreams, to entering into emotional limbo. I feel like posting as a way to process my feelings. I already wrote on post earlier on my personal Live Journal, but have already deleted that one. I still feel like writing.

Have you ever had something that was too good to be true? 2006 was like that for me. I won custody of my daughter, found a good girlfriend, got a good job, got a good car, moved into a good neighborhood, and found UUCA. This was in contrast to 2005, where I was living in an unknown city with no friends, only saw Audrey 2 out of every 6 weeks, had no dating life, and was unemployed for 6 months.

So all during 2006, I kept saying that things were too good to be true. I was waiting for the anvil to drop at any time. I only had temporary custody of Audrey. I had huge divorce debt that would swallow me alive if I lost my job. Things was good, but I know it could all disappear at a moment's notice.

Now it's 2007 and I still have my job (with a few raises), won permanent custody of Audrey, finalized my divorce, going to be a lay minister for UUCA, and have reduced my debt immensely. I decided to part ways with the girlfriend a few months ago. Things were going so well, that I was content with being a single father. I also recently found a great social life through the 20s/30s group from UUCA. I still pursued an occasional date, but had no intentions of getting serious with anyone.

Isn't that when it always happens?

The timing was unreal. I decided to redo my online personals profile. She had just created her profile. She was the first email I sent that morning. My email was the first one she received. We chatted all day via email. Then we chatted for 5 hours on the phone that night. Then we had out first date the following night -- a 10.5 date that neither of us wanted to end. We've seen each other every day this week, usually sacrificing sleep to do so. And it was all too much.

Too much for her, and too much for me. She was the first to admit it. But we both felt it. So she stepped back to take a breather, and that's a good thing. Maybe it will save things, maybe we already broke it. You would hope that something as powerful as we had for the last few days can survive a reboot. Now I am in a place that I am sure many of you have been, emotional limbo. It's a odd place -- little bit of pain, little bit of guilt. And a lot of uncertainty laced with hope. Sigh -- So goes the dating life.

Well, this post served it's purpose. I feel much better now. Doesn't change the reality of things, but it's good therapy.

I went looking for a look for a good Emerson quote to go out with a bang and help support my story. Instead I found one that contradicts it and reminds me that my happiness is not the most important thing in the world.

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

Ralph Waldo Emerson