Liturigst this Sunday (2/17)

I get my second showing in front of UUCA congregation this Sunday, the 17th where I will be doing the liturgy. I was a bit on the nervous side last time. Not because I don't like or have never done public speaking. Just the opposite, in fact. I have done teaching, given lectures, and the occasional keynote, but speaking at UUCA is different from me. First of all, I greatly respect my peer lay ministers and professional ministers. I also respect the congregation, a lot. This manifested in to nervousness last time I did the liturgy. Good thing I got the first time done without any major mishap.

Overall... I am looking forward to it and won't feel as worried last time. Come on out!

My First Vespers (TM)

Tonight, along with Rev. Marti Keller, I did my first Vespers service. Because of Leo's surgery, I wasn't able to plan as well as I had hoped, but it went very well. Marti did the homily, but I did everything else: opening words, selected the music, meditation, joys and concerns, and closing words. I am feeling more comfortable in a church setting as time goes on. I have done tons of public speaking and teaching, but never in a church. So this is a great learning experience.

If anyone reading was there tonight, please feel free to give me frank feedback. I appreciate all opinions, no matter how brash.

I am also realizing that I do better with notes and speaking off the cuff, that trying to write out all the wording ahead of time. That might be different when I actually write a homily or sermon, but for other things I think I'll stick with my normal way of presenting. I only tried to write everything out because I noticed that was the way that others presented. I respected their message, so I tried their style. We'll see... I still may to do for longer speeches.

I feel accomplished. Joining the Lay Ministry was way outside my realm of possibilities a year or two ago. It's feeling right and it looks like I might be able to do it well.

Reading the Liturgy

I wanted to give everyone a heads up that I will be the Liturgist this Sunday at UUCA. It's my first official act at Lay Minister in training. I will also be helping light the Hanukkah candles. My work schedule is very full right now, so it's nice to have to make some time for something non work.

Speaking of... time to go back to work. Come to UUCA this Sunday!!!

Motivation for Lay Ministry

Today I attended another lay ministers class. During class we were asked to give a short (2-3 minute) presentation on what motivates us, "Why We Answer the Call". I decided to dive deep and speak about my sister, Elizabeth Ashe. I always jump at the opportunity to do so. It bring me joy to remember her and share her with others.

However, in hindsight I wished I would have broached the subject from a different angle. After I was done, the leader of the lay minister's program made the offhand comment, jokingly, that "You know, some minister's have just one sermon, and they do it well." I laughed it off, but afterwards felt like I might jump on the "hey I have a dead sister" bandwagon too often.

I was also disappointed in my delivery. I practiced ahead of time to do it slow and not get choked up, but I went too fast and ended up with a shaky voice.

And I was turning inward and reanalyzing my performance, it dawned on me how selfish I was being. As others were sharing I kept reflecting and comparing to me. I immediately stopped and focused on my friends' words. It was refreshing to hear their backgrounds and their motivations. It was a good class.

Here is the little speech I gave tonight. Enjoy

Motivation

Length of days is not what makes age honorable, nor number of years the true measure of life. Understanding and an untarnished life, this is ripe old age. Coming to perfection in so short a while, she achieved long life

Wisdom 4:8-9,13

We have times in our lives that test us, that transforms us. One of those times for me was the three final years of my little sister’s life. Elizabeth Ashe battled with a rare malformation that took away her ability to walk at age 17 and her life at age 19. One of her creeds was, “We are not measured by our good time, but our bad.” If that is true, she lived 100 life times.

Elizabeth started early. In the second grade, at the same time as the 1988 elections, she first convinced her teacher to hold mock elections, and then went on to win those elections. By then she had decided that she was going to be the first woman president. But she understood well what was the true purpose of leadership, and that is to help improve the world. During her seventh grade year, she joined me in the local Red Cross Youth Council. Not only did she eventually take over the leadership of this council, but she won the Red Cross Youth Volunteer Award for two years in a row, one of those years being after the discovery of her illness, and a Red Cross Outstanding Group award. Red Cross wasn’t her only avenue of giving. She went one day with me to a community center called the Insider’s Teen Center, a place for teenagers in forest Park to hang out and be in safe and positive environment. She soon started talking one on one to the kids there. Not only making friends, but changing lives. She would reach out and touch the hearts of the most troubled children. Elizabeth adored the Teen Center and the help it provided to so many teenagers.

If you had the chance to ask the President of the United States one thing, what would it be? When the Starlight Foundation gave Elizabeth that chance in 1997, she told Mr. Clinton the value and importance of place like the Insider’s Teen Center. She handed him a large prepared report and gave him a 20-minute lobby.

See, the thing is, she was in a wheelchair, and depended on someone else for everything. But that didn’t stop her from pitching to the leader of the free world.

The last year of her life, she scheduled a peace rally for the city of Jonesboro. She was able to get hundreds to attend, attracting attention from former President Jimmy Carter. He called her, while in the hospital, and invited her to come and visit him. She didn’t live long enough to make that meeting.

While Elizabeth was changing the world from the top down, she was also reaching out to dozens of teens via the internet. She created a Teen Help web site where she helped other with teen pregnancy, runaways, drugs, alcohol, depression, suicide, abuse, eating disorders, and of course – serious illness. She would have me bring a laptop to her hospital room during her numerous long term visits.

You see, I’ve got a lot to live up to. I will never have touched as many lives that Elizabeth. She lives on inside me and hundreds other.

She has reached long life.

This is my motivation.

ps. Interesting footnote. The bible quote at the beginning is etched in Elizabeth's tombstone.

Lay Ministry Training

The kickoff to my Lay Minister training was at a retreat a few weeks ago. I've been meaning to blog about it, but been practicing the art of procrastination instead. Tonight there was a worship planning meeting and I'm all fired up again. So let me rewind and tell you about the retreat.

The retreat was planned for a Saturday that a friend was getting married. I managed to do both by only attending half the day at the retreat. I still got a lot out of it. We started the day with introductions. There were current Lay Ministers in attendance and they reflected on the genesis of the lay ministry, some good stories, and talked about what Lay Ministry meant to them.

There are two main aspects of the program: Worship and Pastoral Care. You can pick one or go for both. I am going for both. The rest of the morning, some framework was laid to establish what the two programs entailed.

Pastoral Care is interesting because of the fairly strict boundaries that differentiate it from therapy, psychology, and other ways to get help. We play a specific role that, if we're not careful, could spiral into a inappropriate situation. That being said, it is a very important role. The other interesting thing that was mentioned was about confidentiality. As Lay Ministers, we can promise confidentiality except when it come to communicating with the professional ministers. We have to able to communicate with our "bosses".

I initially did not intend to do both worship and patrol care, but after reading a good bit more about UU and reflecting on my own past, I think I have a lot to give when it comes to pastoral care. And I am sure I will learn a lot more about myself in the process.

Being part of the Worship service is very exciting to me. The last part of the retreat that I could attend was Rev. Anthony David telling us a bit how we plan the "Spiritual Theater". He has several core values that helps us make decisions about the service. We went into more of this tonight.

Tonight started with us discussing and agreeing on a covenant for the group. This allows us to understand what we are doing as a group and what we hope to achieve. The next discussion was around the values that we will focus on: Flow, Impact, Diversity-in-Unity, Good Stewardship, Hospitality, Reverence, and Growth Orientation. All aspects of worship will be evaluated on these value to ensure that we are giving the best worship service possible.

The last part of the meeting was focused on the planning of the upcoming Sundays. It is amazing to how much goes into each service.

All in all... I am very excited. This is very inline with my desires and goals and look forward to the experience of a Lay Minister.

Momentum is Building

Rev. Anthony David officially started this Monday, August 13th. His first Sunday sermon isn't until September, but he gave an extended vespers service last night after a potluck dinner at UUCA. His sermon was energizing to the extend of being excited about the possibilities. However, his tendency to draw thing out a bit seem to undo some of the excitement he built. He is doing a great job laying the foundation of positive change, by making people excited about change while softening the impact a bit. He spoke of patience while also extolling the virtues of doing something new.

I write this out becuase I am impressed with him as a leader. I am constantly taking leadership roles, and he will be a positive role model. I can't wait to start the lay ministry program and learn from him more directly.

Empathy and Stoicism

I, like many other men in my generation, was brought up to not to cry. Not to say this was a direct teaching of my parents, but the overall effect of my upbringing. My parents, on the other hand, are recovering hippies and did their best to try to counter the teachings of society. So I developed this interesting dichotomy of dealing with emotional pain.

In times of stress and where other people need a foundation, I handle emotional pain like any good father/husband/boyfriend/male -- by being strong foundation and holding together the family/friendship/parter. But when alone, or in a comfortable place, I find my empathy overwhelming. I use the simplest of opportunities to catch up on all the crying I should have done when being stoic for someone else. When I do open up, not only do I process overdue emotions from myself, I seem to be a beacon for empathy. The rest of the day (or week sometimes) I feel and experience the emotions of everyone around me.

I bring this up on this blog because of my plans to enter into UU lay ministry. Pastoral Care is a large part of this endeavor. Before my marriage, I was the guy that everyone went to for advice. When I studied as a Shaman, my goal was to help people spiritually, and I was fairly good at it. Unfortunately, things changed after my sister died. I could make many guesses and rationalizations on why, but the bottom line was my role changed. Soon after her death, I became a husband, a step-dad, and then a father. I think my stoic side took over. I was no longer the emotional supporter for my peers.

Over the last 2 years, as divorce and single parenthood changed my station yet again, I find myself filling the role as an empath again. Maybe it has to do with reconnecting with my spirituality. Maybe it has to do for my acceptance of the divorce. Maybe it has to do with mending the wounds of my sister's passing. Maybe it has to do with being a full time father and loving every second of it. I don't know the reason. All I know is that I feel a lot more nowadays. I feel my own emotions and those around me.

And I like it.

Beginning the Path as a UU Lay Minister

I am very excited to announce that I have been accepted into the class for UU Lay Ministry at UUCA. As I posted earlier, I am looking forward to helping out with both the growth of UUCA under a new senior minister and helping out the members congregation. I know this stage in my life I will be learning a lot more from the congregation, but I am confident that I can help in some way. I don't know 100% about what I am jumping into, but it's going to be fun and rewarding. Ever since reconnecting with my spirituality after my divorce, I have been on a good path. Honestly, ever since that journal entry I made seeking a religion based on love, things have gone in the right direction for me. Maybe I can spread that good luck to others.

Lay Ministry

I have put my name in the hat for Lay Ministry at UUCA. I have a past history for helping people spiritually as a Shaman and being a leader, so I am very excited about using my history to do good work at UUCA. I had an interview tonight with a Lay Minister and a Professional Minister (who also was a Lay Minister before going pro). The interview has really excited me about the prospect, and I will sit on pins and needles until they decide who will be selected to join the program. I worry that my age and newness to UU will be an issue.

They brought up some interesting points like my role in the church changing. As a lay minister, I would not be as free to voice a dissenting opinion or take a position. It reminds me when I took a jump from technical person to management the first time (I eventually went back to being technical, but ironically I am making jump back into management). As a manager I was asked to be sure to understand the goals of the company and to save disagreement of those goals to be discussed with other managers. I believe that this is what they were trying to convey. I do see the need for this. The position of a congregation could have a much larger impact on someone's life than a change in company policy. Some might think the welcoming nature of UU allows for public dissent. This may be true, but when you are building a foundation of trust for a congregation, you need to represent a united message. So that people can can faith in the organization as well as the people running it. There's place for dissent, but to do with the staff so to not cause confusion in the congregation.

The other thing that seemed interesting to me is to what degree UU can help people with they need it. I read A Faith for All Seasons by William R. Murry over the extended weekend and it highlighted ways that UU can help those needing big questions answered. It gave ways of applying the 7 principles to give a strong foundation to really allow someone to heal. This has really peaked my interest in pastoral care. I thought I would be doing more leadership type activities, since that is my strong suit, but this stuff is very powerful, at least to me. I can't wait to read more as I go through the lay ministry program. I hope to learn enough to make UU resonate for most people, no matter their background.

I do hope that I will be a part of the ministry staff at UUCA, because I am very excited about being a UU and being a member of UUCA. With a new senior minister starting this fall, there will great things happening at UUCA and I want to help make it happen.