Starting on the path to UU

In my Faith Journey post I referred to a letter I wrote in my LiveJournal that really kicked off my path to Unitarian Universalism. I wanted to share this letter since it reflects how much my beliefs were in aligned with UU, before knowing what UU was. To set the setting for this post, it was in December of 2005. I was in the ugliest phase of my custody battle and had been out of work for about 5 months. It was Christmas Eve and I had found out earlier that day that my ex-wife wasn't going to allow me to see Audrey until I had paid back due child support. Here was my post back then:

I have thought a bit about how I got to this state of mind, but I am here and I am going with the flow. Bare with me as I explore a thought I had tonight that I feel I have been getting to for a while now.

I am inspired by the religions of the world in one way, the core belief of love. I feel like that love toward your fellow man is awe inspiring and should be sought after above all things. We exist in the world together and we might as well make the best of it. I enjoy the teachings of Jesus, Mohammad, and other great people because they inspire men to love one another. Unfortunately the idea is twisted when turned into dogma and build into an institution. I understand why people want to spread the good word, because if you realize the purity of life in loving one another, then it is a good world to live in.

Most of you know me as an atheist, and you are right. I could never understand worship, because I didn't understand how important love is. Now that I do, I want to join others that believe the same. But I think that man is capable of finding this joyous love from within. I think it is much easier to draw your strength from some sort of higher power, but I believe that individually, we all have the capability for love. We do not need to create a god to do great things. The problem with a deity, is that once you have accepted that a god has brought you such a good life, then you feel the need to repay such a gift. That leads to worship. Then you are spending more time honoring the god that gave you your love than practicing the things that inspired the religion in the first place.

I am not sure if I am making sense, but I am trying my best to explain a belief system that I have been seeking. I believe in love from within, that all actions should be based on the premise of love for your fellow man, and to inspire your neighbor to do the same. I do not want to follow a god, or a person, but I am willing to listen to those who have figured out how to make this work, and learn from them. I look around my life and want the best for all my friends in family, and want to help them get it. Could you imagine what the world would be like if we all could live by the golden rule?!? That is the thought that excites and inspires me.

Does such a belief system exist? Yes, in many forms. I, however, am contemplating something of my own. I am filled with such a desire to make the world a better place, and must figure out how to do so. I am thinking of creating some sort of place of dialog, and since I am a geek, I probably do so on the web. (I checked on kingdomoflove.com, but it's a porn site.) I am not going to run off and do anything tonight, but I will sleep on it. I have had quite an emotional day, and I might be in a state of lunacy. But this feels right. And I need to work out how to live in a dog-eat-dog world and not get swallowed by life's misgivings. I want a way to talk to others on an ongoing basis, and, as a community, figure out how to live together with love in all things.

I truly believe that this is what my sister would have done if she was still alive. She just wanted everyone to be happy. I would love some feedback, please be honest with me.

Later, I had friends over and one of them mentions humanism. While I had heard the term, I really didn't know what it meant. I would be about 9 months before I found UUCA.