Wonderful Wednesdays
Yay, Wonderful Wednesdays are back at UUCA. Well, they've been back for a while, but this Wednesday was the first chance I got to go. For those of you not a member of UUCA, Wonderful Wednesdays is dinner night at the church. Most of the non-weekend events are scheduled on Wednesday like Choir practice.
Wonderful Wednesdays is one of Audrey's favorite things to do at UUCA. I think it's mine, too, besides the 20s/30s events. I like it because of Vespers and the Adult RE classes. It always makes me think about things that I usually don't get to explore.
This week I attended "Unconditional Parenting" a 2 part session inspired by the writings and lectures by Alfie Kohn. We watched the first half of the DVD with the same name. Man, oh man do I feel like the worst parent in the world after that! His argument is that all forms of punishment and reward is proven unequivocally to do great harm to the child. Yup, from spanking, to time out, to telling her good job for cleaning her room is adding days of therapy to Audrey's future.
We only watched the first half, in which he his convincing us why we need to do the things he explains in the second half of the DVD. Which I won't see for another 7 days. So what the heck am I to do in the meantime? I know: I'll Audrey know that I will be taking a week off from parenting... that she's on her her own until I finish the DVD. That should work.
Sigh... I get positive feedback all the time for parenting Audrey. Audrey is smart, outgoing, well behaved, and carries herself with accelerated maturity. Somehow people attribute credit to my parenting and give me pat on the back. The only thing that I take credit for myself is her being well behaved. And that is exactly what this Alfie Kohn attacked ruthlessly. His words were like daggers for a doubting, young, single parent.
I hope to find light at the end of this tunnel. Audrey's bright, advanced mind can only be undone by my bad parenting. I hope it's not too late (or Alfie Kohn is just dead wrong).
3 comments:
Kohn is right that sometimes external rewards and punishments make it harder to develop internal motivation, but you must cut yourself some slack as a parent. Having 3 kids I have had the good fortune of learning that each child is different and that what is good for one may not be good for another.
Find your own authentic voice as a parent and it will be best for both of you.
The DVD isn't there to parent Audry, you are. Try to find balance...between well-behaved pint-sized adult...and wild child.
Internal motivation? That happens with growth... You want your little girl to be secure enough to explore the world and return to you knowing you're there to guide, advise, and protect her/put band-aids on the bumps.
i'd place money on the fact that kohn is dead wrong.
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